Fatal Beatings – Duologue – 14+ Yrs


A Black Comedy TV sketch by Rowan Atkinson. A very strict HEADMASTER of a public school has asked MR PERKINS to come in to see him, as MR PERKINS son Tommy has been playing up at school

HEADMASTER: He seems to take no interest in school life whatsoever.  He refuses to muck in at the sports field. And it’s weeks since any master has received any written work from him. MR PERKINS: Oh, dear me. HEADMASTER: Quite frankly, Mr Perkins, if he wasn’t dead, I’d have him expelled. MR PERKINS: I beg your pardon? HEADMASTER: Yes, EXPELLED! If I wasn’t making allowances for the fact that your son is dead, he’d be out on his ear! MR PERKINS: You mean he’s dead? HEADMASTER: Yes … He’s lying up there in sick bay now, stiff as a board and bright green, and this is, I fear, typical of his current attitude. You see, the boy has no sense of moderation: one moment he’s flying around like a paper kite, and the next moment he’s completely immovable. And quite frankly, beginning to smell.


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