Jade?.... what d’y’think of Bronzed Beech and Truffle?

For what?

As a combination.

Revolting.

No ...well .. perhaps yer right ...

What y’doin Candice?

It’s me design for the competition.

The competition? This year’s Colour Trophy? Y’not thinking of entering, are you?

Well, I thought I might ....

Candice, have you any idea what you’ll be up against?

You’re entering.

Candice, I’m a trained stylist.

I thought I’d have a go.

But Bronzed Beech and Truffle, Candice .... It’s not a very promising start ...... (JADE looks towards the entrance) (Mrs. Babsworth enters). Oh hello Mrs. Wilson! Would you like to sit down here? (shows Mrs. Wilson to chair. Looks at her hair). Oh dear, we are in a mess, aren’t we? (Tugging at hair). I’m afraid we’ve been in a real carve up here.

Oh yes .... well if you look at the parting down this side .... it doesn’t seem to know where it’s going. Who usually does it for you?

… Really? The complaints we get about them – you’ve no idea ..... the nerve! They call that hairdressing? (Grimacing with distaste)

Jade, we haven’t, have we?

What?

Had complaints about Vidal Sassoons?

(Taking Candice aside) Not to my knowledge.

Yeah, but you just said....

I know what I just said. Its called being ‘competitive’ – an’ it’s how I pay your wages. All right? Oh yes Mrs. Wilson I’m sure Candice can do something with your hair. I’ll have to recommend ‘Dulcia’ which is in fact our most expensive perm (aside to Candice) ..... Candice .... one ‘Magiwave’ and make sure it’s in the ‘Dulcia’ bottle .... and use the rest of that crap conditioner, okay. (CANDICE answers the ‘phone)

Yes … yeh … yeh … er … yeh … er .... (loud) Jade .... (to the phone) Would y’like to hold the line a sec? Jade, can we do Mohicans?

(Without looking up) What?

Can we do black an’ orange stripes on a Mohican? (To the phone) Sorry? Like a tiger? With … (as if repeating) a tail hanging down the back, beaded and platted … like a tiger. (To Jade) Jade, it’s another one wanting a Neymar. What shall I say?

Neymar should be shot.

(To the ‘phone) Hello? .... yes, that’ll be fine … 10 o’clock tomorrow? And the name is?.... Kane … Harry .... thank you Mr. Kane … bye.

Candice, aren’t you meant to be neutralising Mrs. Wilson?

(In Horror) Oh God, I am an’ all .... (She rushes off, calling) Mrs. Babsworth? Would you like to come through please .... (JADE answers the phone)

Hello (in a posh voice) – Jade’s Headlines .... (normal voice) Mother, this is Jade ..... Fine ..... an’ how’s me Dad? ..... He’s what?. Oh, an’ who is it this time? .... ‘cause every time I come round for tea me dad serves up a new fiancé. An’ where’s he dug this one up from? .... oh, (impressed) a dentist? ..... do us a favour, mother, I’ve got perfect teeth .... no mother, I’m not laughing .... I wish I was. Bye! (CANDICE comes rushing in looking panic-stricken)
(Calmly) It’s fallen out, hasn’t it?

(Horrified) What?

Mrs. Wilson’s hair.

Oh, no, its come up really nice ..... but Jade ..... (in panic again) we’ve run out of that ‘Sonata’ conditioner.

So?

Mrs. Wilson wants a couple to take home.

Yeah? What’s the panic, Candice? We got a stack of empty bottles through there. Fill a couple up from the big jar out the back.

Yeah, but that’s the cheapo conditioner and .....

Yes?

(Horrified) You mean ....... fill up the bottles with the cheapo conditioner and ........

Sell it as Sonata ....... yes, Candice – she won’t know any different.

Yeah, but that’s .....

‘Just Good Business’, Candice.