Just Good Business – 3 Players
3 cast members · Comedy
Just Good Business – 3 Players
Just Good Business – 3 Players · Simon Law
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Just Good Business
Published by scriptsandsketches.com
CANDICE and JADE are opening a new hair salon with only a little bit of experience. As they prepare for their first client, chaos ensues with hilarious misunderstandings and questionable business practices.
Group
Characters: CANDICE, JADE, MRS BABSWORTH
CANDICE and JADE are opening a new hair salon with only a little bit of experience. The scene is an empty salon, the two girls are bored!
CANDICE:
Jade?.... what d'ya think of Bronzed Beech and Truffle?
JADE:
For what?
CANDICE:
As a combination.
JADE:
Revolting.
CANDICE:
Naah …well .. perhaps yer right…
JADE:
What y’doing Candice?
CANDICE:
It’s me design for the competition.
JADE:
The competition? This year’s Colour Trophy? Y’not thinking of entering, are you?
CANDICE:
Well, I thought I might….
JADE:
Candice, have you any idea what you’ll be up against?
CANDICE:
You’re entering.
JADE:
Candice, I’m a trained stylist.
CANDICE:
I thought I’d have a go.
JADE:
But Bronzed Beech and Truffle, Candice…. It’s not a very promising start …… (Mrs. Babsworth enters). Oh hello Mrs. Babsworth! Would you like to sit down here? (shows Mrs. Babsworth to chair)
MRS BABSWORTH:
Ah, good morning, I have an appointment for 11 o’clock, cut, Colour, perm and blow dry
JADE:
(Looks at her hair) Oh dear, we are in a mess, aren’t we? (Tugging at hair). I’m afraid we’ve been in a real carve up here.
MRS BABSWORTH:
Oh, goodness me! I only had it done 2 weeks ago. I’m going to a wedding you see, my daughters wedding. Not sure about my future son-in-law, he’s a bit, well you know ...
CANDICE:
(Not listening) Oh yes, yes, …. well if you look at the parting down this side …. it doesn’t seem to know where it’s going. Who usually does it for you?
MRS BABSWORTH:
Well, Vidal Sassoon usually, but they couldn’t fit me in at short notice ..
JADE:
...Really? The complaints we get about them .. you’ve no Idea ….. the nerve! They call that hairdressing? (Grimacing with distaste)
CANDICE:
(Pulls Jade aside) Jade, we haven’t, have we?
JADE:
What? (Quietly)
CANDICE:
Had complaints about Vidal Sassoon's?
JADE:
Not to my knowledge.
CANDICE:
Yeah, but you just said ….
JADE:
I know what I just said. It’s called being ‘competitive’ – an’ it’s how I pay your wages. All right?
MRS BABSWORTH:
Anyway, as I was saying, he’s a bit, well how can put it …? Now then, I want something very special, I don’t care how much it costs, I want you to make me look 20 years younger!
JADE:
(To CANDICE) Blimey! Who does she think I am , a miracle worker? (To Mrs Babsworth) Oh yes Mrs. Babsworth I think Candice can do something with your hair. I’ll have to recommend Sonata which is in fact our most expensive perm …..Candice….one Magiwave and make sure it’s in the Sonata bottle …. and use the rest of that crap conditioner, okay.
CANDICE:
Yes …yeh …yeh …er …yeh …er…. (loud) Jade…. (to the phone) Would y’like to hold the line a sec? Jade, can we do Mohicans?
JADE:
(Without looking up) What?
CANDICE:
Can we do black an’ orange stripes on a Mohican? (To the phone) Sorry? Like a tiger? With …(as if repeating) a tail hanging down the back, beaded and platted … like a tiger. (To Jade) Jade, it’s another one wantin’ a Neymar. What shall I say?
JADE:
Neymar should be shot.
CANDICE:
(To the ‘phone) Hello?....yes, that’ll be fine…10 o’clock tomorrow? And the name is?....Kane…Harry …. thank you Mr. Kane … bye.
JADE:
Candice, aren’t you meant to be neutralising Mrs.Babsworth?
CANDICE:
(In Horror) Oh Gawd, I am an’ all …. (She rushes over, calling) Mrs. Babsworth? Would you like to come through please ….
MRS BABSWORTH:
Thank you, now what are you going to do first?
CANDICE:
Well, first I’m going to neutralise you …
MRS BABSWORTH:
Oh, I see and then?
CANDICE:
Then you’ve got to be activated …
MRS BABSWORTH:
Ooh, ... but I ….
CANDICE:
… and then clarified …
MRS BABSWORTH:
Pardon?
CANDICE:
.. then I’ll check for split ends and the like ….
MRS BABSWORTH:
I do not have split ends!
JADE:
(Coming to the rescue) No, of course not Mrs Babsworth, Candice was just saying that before you’re blended and diffused, she wanted to check you were ok to be feathered.
MRS BABSWORTH:
Well, I don’t know, will it make me look 20 years younger?
JADE:
Oh, of course Mrs Babsworth .. (The Phone rings) Excuse me Mrs Babsworth (JADE answers it) Hello – Jade’s Headlines …. Mother, this is Jade ….. Fine ….. an’ how’s me brover? ..... He’s what?... Oh, an’ who is it this time?....Because every time I go round for tea he serves up a new fiancé ... an’ where’s he dug this one up from? .... oh, a dentist? ..... do us a favour, mother, I’ve got perfect teeth …. no mother, I’m not laughing …. I wish I was. Bye!
MRS BABSWORTH:
Hello … excuse me … is anyone even listening to me? I don’t know you can’t get the service these days. I remember in 1954 people used to know who I was, nowadays, it’s as though I’m invisible!
CANDICE:
(Horrified) What?
JADE:
(Calmly) It’s fallen out, hasn’t it?
CANDICE:
(Horrified) What?
JADE:
Mrs. Babsworth’s hair.
MRS BABSWORTH:
Lady Babsworth actually!
CANDICE:
Oh, no, its come up really nice ….. but Jade ….. (in panic again) we’ve run out of that Sonata conditioner.
JADE:
So?
CANDICE:
Mrs. .. er .. Lady Babsworth wants a couple to take home.
JADE:
Yeah? What’s the panic, Candice? We got a stack of empty bottles through. There. Fill a couple up from the big jar of Magiwave out the back.
CANDICE:
Yeah, but that’s the cheapo conditioner and …..
JADE:
Yes?
CANDICE:
(Horrified) You mean ……. fill up the bottles with the cheapo conditioner and ……..
JADE:
Sell it as Sonata ……. yes, Candice – she won’t know any different.
CANDICE:
Yeah, but that’s …..
JADE:
‘Just good business’, Candice.
MRS BABSWORTH:
Now then, are either of you two entering for this years ‘Colour Trophy’, because I’m the head adjudicator
JADE:
Oh gawd! Candice GET ME THAT SONATA!
