The Doctor and Mrs Pumpkin
Two-hander · Comedy
The Doctor and Mrs Pumpkin
The Doctor and Mrs Pumpkin · Simon Law
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The Doctor And Mrs Pumpkin
Published by scriptsandsketches.com
In this humorous sketch, a doctor encounters Mrs. Pumpkin, who insists she's a carrot. Their banter leads to misunderstandings about identity and sunburn, culminating in a hilarious conclusion.
Duologue
Characters: DOCTOR, MRS PUMPKIN
(A doctor's office. The DOCTOR sits behind a desk, looking at his notes as MRS PUMPKIN enters.)
DOCTOR:
Good morning
MRS PUMPKIN:
Good morning Doctor
DOCTOR:
Please take a seat
MRS PUMPKIN:
I can’t
DOCTOR:
I’m sorry?
MRS PUMPKIN:
I can’t
DOCTOR:
You can’t?
MRS PUMPKIN:
No
DOCTOR:
(Hesitantly) Ok … why not?
MRS PUMPKIN:
I’ll roll off silly!!
DOCTOR:
You’ll roll off?
MRS PUMPKIN:
Yes, look, (pointing at chair) it slanted, I’ll roll off!
DOCTOR:
OK, do you just want to stand then?
MRS PUMPKIN:
Yes, I’m quite fine rooted to ground here thank you
DOCTOR:
Rooted to the ground?
MRS PUMPKIN:
Yes, rooted
DOCTOR:
Ahh … I see, do you feel like a plant?
MRS PUMPKIN:
How dare you!! I’m a carrot! It’s quite clear from my nice orange skin isn’t it?
DOCTOR:
Oh, yes, yes, … and how are you today Mrs ….?
MRS PUMPKIN:
Pumpkin
DOCTOR:
Pardon
MRS PUMPKIN:
Mrs Pumpkin .. I know it’s silly isn’t it, why I should be called pumpkin when I’m actually a carrot, haha
DOCTOR:
No, no, it’s perfectly .. um .. understandable, I mean look at Mrs May
MRS PUMPKIN:
Who?
DOCTOR:
Theresa May, the Prime Minister
MRS PUMPKIN:
What about her?
DOCTOR:
Well … she wasn’t born in May
MRS PUMPKIN:
Yes she was!
DOCTOR:
Was she?
MRS PUMPKIN:
Yes
DOCTOR:
Alright she was, … (crossly) but it really doesn’t matter, I was trying to make a point
MRS PUMPKIN:
There’s no need to get cross
DOCTOR:
I’m not getting cross
MRS PUMPKIN:
You are, you just shouted at me, you should see a doctor about anger issues
DOCTOR:
(Shouting) I DON’T HAVE ANGER ISSUES MRS PUMPKIN!!!
MRS PUMPKIN:
I think you do
DOCTOR:
Well at least I don’t think I’m a bloomin PUMPKIN!
MRS PUMPKIN:
Carrott
DOCTOR:
I beg your pardon?
MRS PUMPKIN:
I’m a carrot, and I take offence at being accused of being a PUMPKIN!
DOCTOR:
Yes, yes Mrs Carrott I do understand and I apologise
MRS PUMPKIN:
Pumpkin
DOCTOR:
Eh?
MRS PUMPKIN:
Mrs Pumpkin, are you deaf or stupid?
DOCTOR:
You can’t talk to me like that, I’m a doctor, anyway why did you come and see me
MRS PUMPKIN:
Can’t you see? I’m orange and I’m peeling, isn’t it obvious??
DOCTOR:
Have you been to a hot country recently?
MRS PUMPKIN:
Yes, I’ve been to Spain for the first time, it was wonderful, but very, very hot!
DOCTOR:
Let me see (looks at skin) …. Ahh. yes you are peeling, and you are quite orange, but that’s normal, did you use any suntan lotion?
MRS PUMPKIN:
Use any what?
DOCTOR:
Suntan lotion to protect you’re skin against the burning rays of the sun
MRS PUMPKIN:
No, I don’t like oily, greasy things like that
DOCTOR:
Well, that’s the reason you’re orange and peeling, you’re not a carrot, you’re just sunburnt! Put on this cream regularly, and you’ll be fine.
MRS PUMPKIN:
Oh thank you doctor (goes to exits)
DOCTOR:
Good afternoon Mrs Carrot
MRS PUMPKIN:
Pumkin! Stupid man! (exits)
