Reserved – Monologue
Solo Monologue · Comedy
Reserved – Monologue
Reserved – Monologue · David Campton
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Reserved
Published by scriptsandsketches.com
In a bustling restaurant, a shopper stubbornly occupies a reserved table, much to the chagrin of a weary waitress. Their witty exchange highlights the absurdity of the situation as the waitress tries to reclaim her space.
Monologue
Characters: WAITER / WAITRESS
(A shopper with full, heavy bags plods to the restaurant table and flops down at it. She sighs with relief, content to rest, and waits to be served.)
WAITER / WAITRESS:
(Automatically, having said it so often) Reserved, madam, that table is reserved
(She passes on with her tray. The shopper gives no sign of having heard, but establishes herself more comfortably in her seat - removing hat or scarf gloves etc. The Waitress returns, realises the shopper is still there, and stops) I said this table is reserved. Look. The notice. It says "Reserved".
(She replaces the notice, bustles on, pauses, turns and comes back.) You did hear me? There's no service at this table. So there's no point in sitting at it. If you don't mind…
(She passes on with her tray. The shopper gives no sign of having heard, but establishes herself more comfortably in her seat - removing hat or scarf gloves etc. The Waitress returns, realises the shopper is still there, and stops) I said this table is reserved. Look. The notice. It says "Reserved".
(She replaces the notice, bustles on, pauses, turns and comes back.) You did hear me? There's no service at this table. So there's no point in sitting at it. If you don't mind…
SHOPPER:
(Airily, with a wave) You'll find a place over there.
WAITER / WAITRESS:
(She turns away with an aside to another table that the shopper can hear) Really. Some people.
(The shopper does not move. The Waitress pauses, turns and points.) There.
(The shopper still does not move, ignoring her) I said "There". You do understand "There"?
(The shopper does not move. The Waitress pauses, turns and points.) There.
(The shopper still does not move, ignoring her) I said "There". You do understand "There"?
SHOPPER:
(Deliberately the shopper sits)
WAITER / WAITRESS:
We're not going to be difficult, are we? Difficulty at this time of day is something we can well do without. Let us not have difficulties on top of everything else. So, if you don't mind, madam... Over there.
SHOPPER:
(The shopper does not move)
WAITER / WAITRESS:
Like that, is it?... Very well. Please yourself... On your head be it... No more to be said.
(The Waitress walks away a few paces and then comes back.) You realise I can't waste time on you. Others are clamouring for attention. What's more they all expect me to serve them at once. I can assure madam there's no reason why should ignore them for her.
There's nothing special about madam - apart from sitting at a table with a reserved notice. And as far as I am concerned people who sit at tables with reserved notices do not exist.
I may be expected to dash about like a lunatic robot for all the rest, but not for you. Of course, if you should decide to move to that table over there, I'll be prepared to give you my attention. In turn, naturally. After the hot scones, the Welsh Rarebit, the banana split and today's Cornish Special with the clotted cream and assorted pastries.
But as long as madam sits there madam is asking to be passed by. In fact madam can sit there 'till the tea stews and Hell freezes.
(The Waitress walks away a few paces and then comes back.) You realise I can't waste time on you. Others are clamouring for attention. What's more they all expect me to serve them at once. I can assure madam there's no reason why should ignore them for her.
There's nothing special about madam - apart from sitting at a table with a reserved notice. And as far as I am concerned people who sit at tables with reserved notices do not exist.
I may be expected to dash about like a lunatic robot for all the rest, but not for you. Of course, if you should decide to move to that table over there, I'll be prepared to give you my attention. In turn, naturally. After the hot scones, the Welsh Rarebit, the banana split and today's Cornish Special with the clotted cream and assorted pastries.
But as long as madam sits there madam is asking to be passed by. In fact madam can sit there 'till the tea stews and Hell freezes.
