In the Bookshop
Two-hander · Comedy
In the Bookshop
In the Bookshop · Simon Law
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The Bookshop
Published by scriptsandsketches.com
In a chaotic bookshop, a humorous owner tries to sell books to a customer with a serious sense of humor failure, leading to a series of comedic misunderstandings.
Duologue
Characters: BOOKSHOP OWNER, CUSTOMER
In an unsuccessful bookshop, the Bookshop Owner tries to humorously sell a book to a serious Customer.
CUSTOMER:
Excuse me, I’m looking for…
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
(Hands him/her a book) Don’t tell me!
CUSTOMER:
“Become a mind reader in 10 easy steps”? No, that’s not it. Does it work?
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
(Throwing the book over his/her shoulder) Apparently not.
CUSTOMER:
Maybe I’ve come to the wrong place. (He/She turns to leave)
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
(Leaping out from behind the desk) Wait, maybe I can… (he/she trips over a stack of books on the floor) Aarrgh!
CUSTOMER:
Are you alright?
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
(holding up one of the books) Ha! “Health and Safety at Work”. Was this what you wanted?
CUSTOMER:
(Picking up a book from the stack on the counter) Why are these all here? Are they on special offer?
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
What are they?
CUSTOMER:
“Brexit. Was it the Right Decision?”
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
Oh, those. No, I couldn’t decide where to put them.
CUSTOMER:
What are the choices?
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
Tragedy or comedy. (Pause) Both: Tragedy.
CUSTOMER:
Here, let me do it. Where’s the Tragedy section?
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
Over there. Next to the Conspiracy Theories shelf.
CUSTOMER:
There is no Conspiracy Theories shelf!
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
Aha! That’s what they want you to think! (Silence)
Can you see the Alien Abduction shelf?
Can you see the Alien Abduction shelf?
CUSTOMER:
Alien, Alien … Yes, it’s … wait a minute, it’s empty!
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
Yeah, well, you see…
CUSTOMER:
Don’t tell me, You were working late one night, when all of a sudden there were these bright lights in the sky. You passed out, and when you came round, all the Alien Abduction books were gone.
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
No. I sold them all ...
CUSTOMER:
Oh. (Looks abashed)
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
… to a small grey man in a silver jumpsuit…
CUSTOMER:
That’s it! (Slams book back onto counter) I’ve had enough! All I wanted was a simple book and now … (Raging and making threatening gestures)
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
(Holding up a book protectively) Try this one!
CUSTOMER:
(Taking it and reading the title) “Anger management”? (Tears it in half down the spine and stands there panting heavily)
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
Feel better?
CUSTOMER:
(Surprised) Yes, I do actually! Look what’s your bestseller this month?
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
A very popular one is the “Bluffer’s Guide to Philosophy”.
CUSTOMER:
Excellent, I’ll try that one. Do you have a copy in stock?
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
Maybe we do, but then again, maybe we don’t… who can tell. In a sense we have all books here and at the same time … nothing!
CUSTOMER:
(Getting angry) Look is this a bookshop or not?
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
(In a mystical ‘Zen-like’ way) Well, let’s consider that proposition …
CUSTOMER:
I came here looking for a book I can get my teeth into…
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
Why didn’t you say so? (Hands over another book)
CUSTOMER:
(Reading the title) “1001 recipes for the home”! Hysterical! Since you are such a comic why not find me a book to make me laugh?
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
I have just the title here. (Hands over another book)
CUSTOMER:
(Reading the title) “A musical genius: the Peter Andre story”! (Glances at his/her watch) Oh dear, look at the time, I’ve got to go …
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
Try this one …
CUSTOMER:
(Reading the title) “Short stories”? Don’t be silly, I haven’t got time!
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
Read this one then … (He/She hands over an enormous book)
CUSTOMER:
(Reading the title) “Rapid reading”! Ha! Very funny! (He/She moves to the exit!)
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
But you can’t go empty handed! What were you really after?
CUSTOMER:
I … I don’t know, I can’t remember!
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
Then how about a book on improving your memory?
CUSTOMER:
Have you got one?
BOOKSHOP OWNER:
Yes it’s … (a blank look comes over his/her face) ahh… um…!
