The Odd Couple – Male Version – Fight Scene

FELIX: (Sits at table with great pretense of calm) All right, Oscar, I’d like to know what’s happened. OSCAR: (Moves towards him.) What’s happened? FELIX: (Hurriedly slides over to the next chair) That’s right. Something must have caused you to go off the deep end like this. What is it? Something I said? Something I did? Heh? What? OSCAR (Pacing) It’s nothing you said. It’s nothing you did. It’s you! FELIX: I see. . . . Well, that’s plain enough. OSCAR: I could make it plainer but I don’t want to hurt you. FELIX: What is it, the cooking? The cleaning? The crying? OSCAR: (Moving towards him) I’ll tell you exactly what it is. It’s the cooking, cleaning and crying. . . . It’s the talking in your sleep, it’s the moose calls that open your ears at two o’clock in the morning. . . . I can’t take it any more, Felix. I’m crackin’ up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you’re not here, the things I know you’re gonna do when you come in irritate me. . . . You leave me little notes on my pillow. I told you a hundred times, I can’t stand little notes on my pillow. “We’re all out of Corn Flakes, F.U.’ . . . It took me three hours to figure out that F.U. was Felix Ungar. . . . It’s not your fault, Felix. It’s a rotten combination.