(To BEA) He still hasn't written anything yet.
(Now CHAS notices that BEA has put down her pen and is sitting with her head in her hands.) Are you okay?

Sure. Just trying to come up with a rhyme.

A rhyme?

For this limerick. There was a young woman from Putney, who stuffed both her nostrils with chutney ... But now I've lumbered myself with this utney thing for the last line.

(Interrupts) You're writing limericks?

Yeah.

Is that part of the Sociology exam then?

(Chuckles) No.

Don't waste time pissing about. It'll affect your pass mark.

I'm not after a pass mark.

Eh?

(BEA leans back in her chair and clasps her hands behind her head in a slightly forced show of relaxation) I've decided to fail for once. I'm tired of being ‘Two Brains’.

For someone so bright, you're really Stupid, do you know that?

I beg your pardon.

You can't just deliberately fail an exam.

Why not?

Because it's an insult.

An insult?

Yes, it's an insult to all us thickos and plodders, who have to work like mad just to scrape an E, if someone with brains and ability deliberately fails just as some ... some selfish, cheap thrill.
(He turns to Andrew for support) That's right isn't it, Andy?
(No response) Bloody hell, he's really off with the fairies.

(Inflating with rage) It is not a selfish, cheap thrill.

So, you fail Sociology, ooh how daring. Like that's really going to put a dent in your prospects.

My prospects are -

- brilliant. Doors will always open for you. You're clever. Life'll be a doddle.

(Getting upset) That's rubbish, life's hard when you're clever.

Oh yeah'? How's that then?

Because clever people are never free. You're always (Hunts) ... hedged in by expectations … always having your story written for you … always waiting to disappoint people.

There are worse things.

Clever people are misfits. They’re … they're afflicted with thinking, so they never have that knack of just ... being, just surrendering to the moment and feeling happy. They analyse and mentally pick away at all their scabs until they end up in therapy groups spilling their guts out to total strangers.

So what are you saying? That stupid people are lucky because they're too stupid to realise they're miserable, is that what you're saying?

No, no. I ...

Because we stupid people get stressed as well, y'know, we just can't afford the therapy.

You're not stupid. You just pretend to be.
(Her tone becomes more glum) And, anyway … you're the one whose life is going to be a doddle … because you can talk to people. That's better than being clever any day. Everyone likes you.

Oh right, so everyone likes me, do they?

Yes.

And I suppose that's your roundabout way of asking me out on a date?

(BEA is completely thrown by CHAS’s ingenious change of tack.) Well, I.

Alright, you suckered me into it. I'd have caved in sooner or later. Those beautiful eyes would have got me in the end.

(BEA tucks her hair behind her ears and starts to turn very girly.) You like my eyes then?

Of course I do. Any bloke would. They’re gorgeous. How about Saturday?

Um … okay, yeah ... that’ll be nice.

Yes, it will. There's just one thing, though. I only go out with winners. I don’t date ‘twonkpots’ who think it’s cool to take a dive in an exam.

(BEA breaks into a smile. She realises what CHAS has been up to. And she likes it.) Fair enough.
(She turns round, scrunches up her limerick and starts tackling her exam proper:) ‘Twonkpot’?

No more talking, please, I've got an E to get.