Sitting On Top Of The World
Two-hander · Comedy
Sitting On Top Of The World
Sitting On Top Of The World · Allan Mackay
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Sitting On Top Of The World
Published by scriptsandsketches.com
Two workmen take a break from constructing a skyscraper, sharing laughs and sandwiches while contemplating their job and the world below.
Duologue
Characters: BILL, FRED
Two workmen take a break from constructing a skyscraper and sit eating their packed lunches.
FRED:
Hey, Bill.
BILL:
Yes, Fred?
FRED:
It's a grand sight from up here.
BILL:
(Looking straight out over the audience) None better.
FRED:
That's a fact, it's a grand sight. (There is silence. The men munch on their sandwiches) Bill, how much higher have we got to build this thing? We're twenty-three storeys up already.
BILL:
Ask the boss when he gets back from lunch.
FRED:
I don't think he knows, Bill.
BILL:
Why do you say that, Fred?
FRED:
I think he lost the plans. I asked him the other day and he got terrible upset.
BILL:
Poor man. (Again silence. Then FRED picks out a fresh sandwich and inspects its contents sadly)
FRED:
Hey, Bill.
BILL:
Yes, Fred?
FRED:
Do you know my missus?
BILL:
Yes, Fred, I know your missus.
FRED:
Every day she packs sandwiches for my lunch. She said when we started this job that she'd pack me a different kind of sandwich for every storey we went up.
BILL:
Your missus is a very thoughtful woman, Fred.
FRED:
Oh, yes, she's thinking all the time. (Silence. BILL gets a fresh sandwich and starts eating) Bill, did you know there are twenty-three different ways of making egg sandwiches?
BILL:
Your missus is a very clever woman, Fred.
FRED:
That she is. But I'm getting terrible sick of egg sandwiches. (FRED suddenly throws the sandwich off the stage to his right. BILL takes no notice and continues eating. FRED takes out an apple and begins to polish it)
BILL:
Hey, Fred.
FRED:
Yes, Bill?
BILL:
Where did you throw that sandwich?
FRED:
Off the building, Bill. (BILL peers over the 'edge' of the building)
BILL:
You know, with the wind the way it is, it should land about the corner there. (FRED wets a finger and tests the wind)
FRED:
I reckon you're right, Bill.
BILL:
There's an old lady walking towards that corner.
FRED:
(Looking over) It'll miss her by a yard. I didn't allow enough for the wind. (He returns to his apple)
BILL:
No, Fred, it'll hit her right on top of the head.
FRED:
Bill, do you want to make a bet on that?
BILL:
Yes, Fred. I'll bet you that apple against my banana it hits her.
FRED:
(Still not looking) Your banana it is, Bill. (He continues to polish the apple. BILL looks over the edge. There is silence)
BILL:
Hey, Fred.
FRED:
Yes, Bill?
BILL:
You owe me an apple.
FRED:
(Handing over the apple) You're a very clever man, Bill. Like my missus. (He looks over and shouts) No, thank you, lady - I've finished with it. (Silence, BILL starts on the apple. FRED sadly nibbles at another sandwich)
BILL:
Yesterday I got a parson with my apple core.
FRED:
I didn't see you do that.
BILL:
Neither did the parson. He blamed the plasterers on the second floor.
FRED:
That must have been a good shot. (Silence for a moment)
BILL:
Fred, it wasn't such a good shot.
FRED:
Why's that, Bill?
BILL:
I was aiming at the policeman directing traffic at the intersection.
FRED:
Don't be too hard on yourself, Bill. The wind was tricky yesterday.
BILL:
It was a bad day all round. I knocked a load of bricks off, too.
FRED:
Bill, that was bad.
BILL:
I’ll say. The Boss said I had to pay for them. The missus was terrible upset. Do you know my missus, Fred?
FRED:
Yes, Bill, I know your missus.
BILL:
She was standing down there when I knocked the bricks off.
FRED:
Yesterday certainly wasn't your lucky day, Bill.
BILL:
I'll say. Every one of them missed her!
