The Rope Monologue
Two-hander · Comedy
The Rope Monologue
The Rope Monologue · Plautus
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The Rope
Published by scriptsandsketches.com
In this witty exchange, the untrustworthy slave dealer Labrax and the cunning Gripus negotiate the return of a treasure trunk, revealing their true natures and the stakes involved.
Duologue
Characters: LABRAX, GRIPUS
A storm has wrecked a ship, and LABRAX is bargaining with GRIPUS over a lost trunk.
LABRAX:
I was washed out in the sea last night. Ship lost, all my possessions lost; cleaned out.
GRIPUS:
Really? What did you lose?
LABRAX:
A trunk with a lot of gold and silver.
GRIPUS:
Did you now? Can you remember anything particular that was in this trunk?
LABRAX:
What's it matter? It's all gone now. Let's talk of something else.
GRIPUS:
What if I know who found it? If you could give me some identification marks
LABRAX:
(Eagerly) It contained eight hundred gold pieces in a wallet, and a hundred Philippic minas in a separate bag.
GRIPUS:
(Aside) Phew! That's a nice haul! I'm in for a handsome profit. Bless you, gods; I shall clean up after all! It's his trunk all right... Anything else?
LABRAX:
A talent of good silver in a purse; and a bowl, tankard pitcher, an urn and a ladle
GRIPUS:
Corks! You had a pretty juicy fortune, then?
LABRAX:
That's the misery of it - had and not have.
GRIPUS:
(Stealthily) How much would you give a chap for knowing where it is and showing you how to get it back? Quick sharp! How much?
LABRAX:
Three hundred.
GRIPUS:
(Dismissing it with contempt) Peppercorns!
LABRAX:
Four Hundred.
GRIPUS:
Fleabites.
LABRAX:
Five hundred
GRIPUS:
Peanuts
LABRAX:
Six hundred
GRIPUS:
Maggots. Little ones
LABRAX:
Well, seven hundred.
GRIPUS:
You’ve got a cool cheek, for a man with a parched tongue.
LABRAX:
I'll make it a thousand.
GRIPUS:
You're dreaming.
LABRAX:
Not a penny more.
GRIPUS:
Good day, then.
LABRAX:
No, look - if I leave you, I'll never be here alive again. Eleven hundred?
GRIPUS:
Wake up.
LABRAX:
Well, you tell me what you want.
GRIPUS:
Two thousand would cover it. Not a penny less. Yes or no.
LABRAX:
Oh. ..oh, all right. I've no choice. You shall have two thousand.
GRIPUS:
Come this way, please. I want Venus to be our witness.
LABRAX:
Anything you like.
GRIPUS:
Touch the altar.
LABRAX:
I'm touching it.
GRIPUS:
Swear by Venus.
LABRAX:
What shall I swear?
GRIPUS:
What I tell you.
LABRAX:
Say the word. (Aside) As if swearing wasn't second nature to me!
GRIPUS:
Hold on to the altar.
LABRAX:
I've got it.
GRIPUS:
Swear you will give me the money on the day you get possession of the trunk.
LABRAX:
I'll do that.
GRIPUS:
Like this: 'Venus of Cyrene, I take thee to my witness, if I recover the trunk which I lost at sea, complete with the gold and silver therein and receive it again into my hand, then I will give to this man Gripus - touch me as you say that -
LABRAX:
(Repeating and continuing) ... Then I will give to this man Gripus - can you hear me, Venus - two thousand on the nail.
GRIPUS:
Now add, that if you double-cross me, you pray Venus will wipe you out of your profession, body and soul...which I hope will happen to you anyway, oath or no oath...
LABRAX:
All right - Venus, if I slip up, you can damn all pimps to hell.
GRIPUS:
She will, whatever you do. Now then, you wait here, and I'll get the old man. All you have to do is ask him for your trunk. (He goes into the house)
LABRAX:
Once I get that trunk back, he can whistle for his two thousand. My tongue hath sworn - the rest is up to me.
