The Twits
Two-hander · Comedy
The Twits
The Twits · Roald Dahl
1 / 1
The Twits
Published by scriptsandsketches.com
MR and MRS TWIT are a horrible couple who are constantly playing nasty practical jokes on each other. In this scene, Mr Twit convinces Mrs Twit that she has 'the shrinks' and will soon disappear into nothingness.
Duologue
Characters: MR TWIT, MRS TWIT
MR and MRS TWIT are a horrible couple who are constantly playing nasty practical jokes on each other because of their mutual hatred. In this scene, Mr Twit convinces Mrs Twit that she has 'the shrinks' and will soon disappear into nothingness.
MR TWIT:
That stick's too long for you.
MRS TWIT:
Why so it is!
MR TWIT:
There's something wrong all right.
MRS TWIT:
What can have happened?
MR TWIT:
Don't be a fool! How can a walking stick possibly grow longer? It's made of dead wood, isn't it? Dead wood can't grow.
MRS TWIT:
Then what on earth has happened?
MR TWIT:
It's not the stick, it's you! It's you that's getting shorter! I've been noticing it for some time now.
MRS TWIT:
That's not true!
MR TWIT:
You're shrinking, woman!
MRS TWIT:
It's not possible!
MR TWIT:
Oh yes it jolly well is. You're shrinking fast! You're shrinking dangerously fast! Why, you must have shrunk at least a foot in the last few days!
MRS TWIT:
Never!
MR TWIT:
Of course you have! Take a look at your stick, you old goat, and see how much you've shrunk in comparison! You've got the shrinks, that's what you've got! You've got the dreaded shrinks!
MRS TWIT:
(Begins to feel so trembly she has to sit down) Aaaaagh!
MR TWIT:
(Shouting at his wife) There you are! You're sitting in your old chair and you've shrunk so much your feet aren't even touching the ground!
MRS TWIT:
(MRS TWIT looks down at her feet and they are not touching the ground) Just look at you sitting there in your same old chair - you've shrunk so much your feet are dangling in the air!
Oh no! Ah! Help me!
Oh no! Ah! Help me!
MR TWIT:
You've got the shrinks! (Pointing his finger at her like a pistol) You've got them badly! You've got the most terrible case of shrinks I've ever seen! I suppose you know what happens to you when you get the shrinks?
MRS TWIT:
What? What happens?
MR TWIT:
Your head shrinks into your neck... And your neck shrinks into your body... And your body shrinks into your legs... And your legs shrink into your feet. And in the end there's nothing left except a pair of shoes and a bundle of old clothes.
MRS TWIT:
I can't bear it!
MR TWIT:
It's a terrible disease. The worst in the world.
MRS TWIT:
How long have I got? How long before I finish up as a bundle of old clothes and a pair of shoes?
MR TWIT:
At the rate you're going, I'd say not more than ten or eleven days.
MRS TWIT:
But isn't there anything we can do?
MR TWIT:
There's only one cure for the shrinks.
MRS TWIT:
Tell me! Oh, tell me quickly!
MR TWIT:
We'll have to hurry!
MRS TWIT:
I'm ready. I'll hurry! I'll do anything you say!
MR TWIT:
(Giving her another grizzly grin) You won't last long if you don't.
MRS TWIT:
What is it I must do?
MR TWIT:
(Grabbing hold of MRS TWIT and starting to stretch her) You've got to be stretched.
MRS TWIT:
(Screaming out in pain) Aaah!
