(whispering) Megan!

(Loud) Yes? Oh, we had such a good time, you should have come with us, hahahah!!

Megan!

(Calling out) Coffee or tea?

Over here!

I’ve made you tea, (gives Barbara a mug of tea) I know you don’t sleep with too much coffee, now then, what is it that’s so important?

Shut up!

What on earth’s the matter!

After you shot off into town I climbed into bed and opened my book. Then I felt a sort of tickling on my neck, and out of the corner of my eye I saw it … a scorpion (worried) moving down the pillow in little jerks it was … with its tail glistening and sharp. (Whispering) I just lay there, still, watching it glide without a sound onto my chest.

Ooooh, Barbara! Then what happened?

Then, I saw it creep under the sheet … I felt it curl up on my tummy. You see that little lump there - well that’s it. He’s been there all this time!!!!

(Panicking) We’ll fix it in no time. Now for God’s sake don’t move. I’m just popping next door to get Miss Fiona.

(Desperate) What for?

Well, she’s been in Africa for years. She’s sure to know how to deal with it.

All right, but don’t be long.
I knew this was going to happen. I knew it. Everything’s gone wrong this week. Why me? Why has it all happened to me?

Now then, Barbara, I hear you’re in a spot of bother.

You could say that, Miss Fiona. Only got a giant deadly scorpion lying ‘doggo’ on my stomach.

They attack at the slightest provocation you know.

Really?

Oh yes indeed. Nasty vicious little creepy-crawlies are scorpions. My Boss years ago, McPherson I think they called her - big strapping Scotswoman with a shock of red hair - was bitten by one of those little blighters.

What happened?

Well first we had to suck the poison out. Nasty business that was.

Did you manage it?

Oh yes indeed. Didn’t do her much good though. Poison affected his whole nervous system. Paralysed she was.

Oh please, no ….

Dead within the hour.

You’re a great comfort to me, Miss Fiona, a real comfort.

She was a good nurse as well.

What are you going to do?

They’re funny creatures, scorpions, you know. They keep their heads down during the day. As a rule they never come out. Then at night they creep out from the crevices and cracks in search of their prey.

Stop her, Megan, will you!

And they can’t half shift you know. I’ve seen one galloping across the sand at a great speed and once I saw one climbing up a tree. Now then, would you believe that - climbing up a tree!

(Shouting) Miss Fiona!! What are you going to do??

(Mumbling) Ahh, yes, …..Well I think the most sensible thing to do is to whip back the sheets - sharpish like - and take a good swing at it with my walking cane. Squash the little blighter!

Don’t be such an idiot!

I say ….

What happens if you miss?

That’s a point. Never thought of that.

Well we ought to draw back the sheet a bit, Barbara, and have a little look. Then we could decide what to do.

Oh dear …

How does that strike you?

It doesn’t strike me at all.

Perhaps you’re right.

Well, what about yanking back the sheet and karate chopping it to the floor? I’ve done a bit of commando training, you know. Got very sharp reflexes for a girl of my age!

Is that the best you can come up with? Will you forget the idea of pulling back the sheet. The light would frighten it. It’s pitch black under there now. Got any other brilliant suggestions like blasting it off with a double-barrelled shotgun or luring it off with a piece of cheese or hypnotising it?

Now don’t get excited, Barbara, it won’t do any good.

I don’t suppose you noticed if it was male or female?

(In disbelief) What?

Whether it was male or female?

What the devil has that got to do with it?

Well if it was male, let’s say, it might be persuaded to come off if it heard … a sort of … I don’t know, mating noise or something.

Can you imitate the mating call of a female scorpion, Miss Fiona?

‘Fraid not, old girl. Do a pretty good imitation of a bull elephant though.

Well that wouldn’t be much use, would it, since I haven’t got an elephant on top of me!!!

Now, don’t get excited, Miss Fiona’s only trying to help. I told you Barbara, that you’d have been better off coming with us!