Moody Margarets’ Secret Club
Two-hander · Comedy
Moody Margarets’ Secret Club
Moody Margarets’ Secret Club · Simon Law
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Moody Margarets’ Secret Club
Published by scriptsandsketches.com
Moody Margaret is in a tent at the bottom of her garden, wanting to start a new 'secret club'. When Sour Susan creeps up on her, hilarity ensues as they navigate passwords and spy reports.
Duologue
Characters: MARGARET, SUSAN
Moody Margaret is in a tent at the bottom of her garden, and wants to start a new ‘secret club’. She is sat on a mat eating biscuits when Sour Susan creeps up on her.
MARGARET:
(She hears someone creeping around outside) Haaalt! .. Who goes there?
SUSAN:
It’s only me!
MARGARET:
Who’s .. ‘only me’? (Mimicking her voice)
SUSAN:
Mee! (approaches the tent to go in)
MARGARET:
(in a moody voice) Stop!! What’s the password?
SUSAN:
Ooh, now what is the password, I don’t know, carrots?
MARGARET:
(Bossily) No it isn’t!
SUSAN:
Yes it is!!
MARGARET:
‘Carrots’ was last weeks password
SUSAN:
No it wasn’t!
MARGARET:
Yes it was! It’s my club and I decide!
SUSAN:
Oh, alright then, what is the password?
MARGARET:
I’m not sure if I’m going to tell you.
SUSAN:
Why not?
MARGARET:
Because …. (thinking of a reason) you might be the enemy!
SUSAN:
Don’t be so silly, I’m not the enemy
MARGARET:
Ok then, prove to me you’re not the enemy
SUSAN:
You know I’m Susan!!
MARGARET:
Prove it!!
SUSAN:
(Putting upstage foot under the tent flap) Look, I’m wearing the black patent leather shoes with blue flowers on I always wear!
MARGARET:
(Peering at the shoes) Hmmm… no good .. the enemy could have stolen them!
SUSAN:
Ok then, (pulling her foot out) I look like Susan and I sound like Susan for goodness sake!!!
MARGARET:
(Slyly) No good the enemy could be a master of disguise
SUSAN:
(Boldly) Well .. and I know that you were the one who pinched Helen and I’m going to tell Miss …
MARGARET:
(Interrupting) Come closer to the tent flap. (Both ear to ear) Now listen to me very carefully, because I’m only going to tell you this once. When a secret club member wants to come in they say ‘Nunga’, anyone inside answers back ‘Nunga Noo’. That’s how I know it’s you, and you know it’s me!
SUSAN:
Nunga!
MARGARET:
Nunga Noo enter. (Susan tries to enter but Margaret can either let her in nicely or blow a raspberry at her and close the tent flap in her face) (Susan enters the tent and sits down on the mat)
SUSAN:
(Folds her arms in a huff) You knew it was me all along!
MARGARET:
That’s not the point, if you don’t want to obey the club rules (pointing at the tent flap) you can leave
SUSAN:
(Sees Margaret scoffing the biscuits) Can I have a biscuit?
MARGARET:
Have two then we’ll get down to business, have you bought your spy report?
SUSAN:
(Munching on biscuits) Yes.
MARGARET:
Well … read it aloud!!
SUSAN:
(Thinking - for goodness sake! Gets out a piece of crumpled paper) I watched the enemies house for two hours yesterday morning …
MARGARET:
(Interrupting again) Which morning??
SUSAN:
(Getting cross now) Saturday morning! Hmff! A lady with grey hair and beret walked passed ….
MARGARET:
(Interrupting again) What colour was the beret??
SUSAN:
I don’t know!!
MARGARET:
Call yourself and spy and you don’t even know what colour the beret was!!
SUSAN:
(Getting frustrated now) Can I please continue with my report?
MARGARET:
I’m not stopping you.
SUSAN:
Thank you. Then I saw the enemy leave the house with his brother and mother. The enemy kicked his brother twice, and his mother shouted at him, then I saw the postman … (MARGARET puts her hand up to stop SUSAN speaking, SUSAN looks under the tent flap and sees HENRY) (In a Loud whisper) Ahhhh .. it’s Henry ..
BOTH:
Quick .. hide!! (They hide under the mat)
