Barbie
Two-hander · Comedy
Barbie
Barbie · Greta Gerwig Noah Baumbach
1 / 1
Barbie
Published by scriptsandsketches.com
In a surreal room, Barbie Margot seeks help from Weird Barbie, leading to a playful yet profound conversation about identity, reality, and the nature of happiness.
Duologue
Characters: BARBIE MARGOT, WEIRD BARBIE
(A giant room filled with whimsical decor. The atmosphere is surreal and playful.)
BARBIE MARGOT:
Um, hello?
WEIRD BARBIE:
(O.S.) (from the dark) What’s cookin’ good lookin’?
(hitches her leg down and lopes oddly into a giant room)
(hitches her leg down and lopes oddly into a giant room)
BARBIE MARGOT:
(taking off her heels) I had to come see you about -- My feet -- they’re um…
WEIRD BARBIE:
(looking) FLAT! HA! (with interest) I’ve never seen that before…
BARBIE MARGOT:
Yeah. Can you fix them?
WEIRD BARBIE:
Hmm, What preceded this?
BARBIE MARGOT:
Oh, um, nothing. A really fun game of volleyball…
WEIRD BARBIE:
Really?!
BARBIE MARGOT:
(mumbles) Thoughts of death. (Weird Barbie looks at her horrified. Small voice:) Is that a problem?
WEIRD BARBIE:
(concerned) Oh.
BARBIE MARGOT:
What?
WEIRD BARBIE:
Oh.
BARBIE MARGOT:
What?!
WEIRD BARBIE:
You’ve opened a portal!
BARBIE MARGOT:
I didn’t open a portal!
WEIRD BARBIE:
Well, someone did! There is a rip in the continuum that is the membrane between Barbie Land and the Real World and if you want to be Stereotypical Barbie perfect again you’ve got to go fix it!
BARBIE MARGOT:
What do I have to do?!?
WEIRD BARBIE:
You have to go to the real world and you will find the girl who is playing with you.
BARBIE MARGOT:
Playing with me?
WEIRD BARBIE:
We’re all being played with! Usually there's some kind of separation. There is the girl and the doll and never the twain shall cross.
BARBIE MARGOT:
So the twain is crossing
WEIRD BARBIE:
Yes, and the girl who is playing with you, she must be sad
BARBIE MARGOT:
Why would she be sad? We fixed everything so that all women in the real world can be happy and powerful.
WEIRD BARBIE:
It takes two to rip the portal.
BARBIE MARGOT:
Me?! But I didn’t do anything. I’ve only ever wanted for things to be exactly as they are.
WEIRD BARBIE:
Well however it happened, you and she are becoming inextricably intertwined. You have to help her to help yourself.
BARBIE MARGOT:
(re: Birkenstock) What is that?!
WEIRD BARBIE:
(cryptically) So what will it be? You can go back to the way your life was-- (holding the high heel up)--and not even remember that this happened, or you can know the truth about the universe.
(holds up the Birkenstock and with a woo-woo voice)
(holds up the Birkenstock and with a woo-woo voice)
BARBIE MARGOT:
(answers instantly and with too much chipper energy) The first one. The high heel.
WEIRD BARBIE:
(annoyed) No. We’ll do a redo. You’re supposed to want to know!
BARBIE MARGOT:
(cheerfully) I don’t.
WEIRD BARBIE:
Babe, listen. You have to want to know.
BARBIE MARGOT:
I'm not Adventure Barbie, I’m Stereotypical Barbie. I'm like the Barbie you think of when someone says "think of a Barbie" and that's me!
WEIRD BARBIE:
That is so sad.
BARBIE MARGOT:
(closes her eyes, happily) Okay, I’m ready to forget now.
WEIRD BARBIE:
Fine, get cellulite, I don’t care.
BARBIE MARGOT:
(steels herself) Send me through the portal.
