Practically Perfect
3 cast members · Comedy
Practically Perfect
Practically Perfect · Adapted by Emma Hutchings
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Practically Perfect
Published by scriptsandsketches.com
In a light and airy nursery, Mary Poppins engages with Jane and Michael, showcasing her unique approach to childcare and her 'practically perfect' philosophy.
Group
Characters: MARY POPPINS, JANE, MICHAEL
(The nursery is an airy room, light and full of optimism. The CHILDREN rush in to find that MARY POPPINS is already there.)
MARY POPPINS:
Very tidy, I must say. Tidier than I was expecting. Who's responsible for that?
JANE:
Mrs. Bri
MICHAEL:
Me. I am. I like to keep things neat.
MARY POPPINS:
Do you indeed? Well, I look forward to making use of that. If there's one thing I appreciate, it's a child whose word I can depend on.
(scoops up a boy doll) Who's he when he's at home?
(scoops up a boy doll) Who's he when he's at home?
JANE:
That's Valentine. He's mine.
MARY POPPINS:
From the look on his face, I'm not sure he'd agree with you.
JANE:
He’s just a doll and I don't want to play with him now. (JANE throws the doll into a box.)
MARY POPPINS:
Treat him like that and he might not want to play with you. Now, first things first. I always say the proper place to hang a hat is on a hat stand. (MARY POPPINS reaches in her bag and takes out a hat stand. JANE and MICHAEL look inside as they move the bag.)
JANE:
There’s nothing in it!
MICHAEL:
We’d better keep an eye on this one. She's tricky.
JANE:
Mary Poppins, how could you know what we wanted in a nanny... when we made our list?
MARY POPPINS:
Your "list"? I'm not an item in the weekly shop, thank you very much.
(takes another item, perhaps a plant, out of her bag and places it strategically in the nursery.)
(takes another item, perhaps a plant, out of her bag and places it strategically in the nursery.)
JANE:
How did you come then? It was as if the wind just blew you here.
MARY POPPINS:
It did. Now, stand over there! (MARY POPPINS pulls a measuring tape from the bag, holds it against MICHAEL, and reads the measure.)
Just as I thought. "A noisy, mischievous, troublesome little boy."
Just as I thought. "A noisy, mischievous, troublesome little boy."
MICHAEL:
You’re making that up! (Without a word, MARY POPPINS holds the tape for MICHAEL to read.)
MARY POPPINS:
A noisy, mischievous, troub - (Stunned, MICHAEL looks at JANE.) Now you. (holds the tape against JANE and reads) Thoughtless, short-tempered and untidy.
JANE:
I don't believe you. Let me see. What about your measurement, Mary Poppins?
MARY POPPINS:
I’m practically perfect in every way
MICHAEL:
NOT TEMPERAMENTAL?
MARY POPPINS:
Never.
MICHAEL:
NOT GROUCHY OR GRUFF?
MARY POPPINS:
The very thought.
JANE:
WILL YOU STAY TENDER WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH?
MARY POPPINS:
Quite the contrary.
MICHAEL:
DO YOU READ STORIES WITHOUT A BIG FUSS?
MARY POPPINS:
Mm-hmm.
JANE:
OR HAVE OBJECTIONS TO PLAYING WITH US?
MARY POPPINS:
Oh, I like games. But I choose them. JANE, MICHAEL: (protesting vigorously:) But - That's not fair!
SOME MINOR IMPROVEMENTS MAY NOT GO AMISS, BUT AT ALL TIMES YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS… JANE, MICHAEL: YOU’RE PRACTICALLY PERFECT IN EVERY WAY.
Spit-spot. Jane... doll's house please. (The CHILDREN put a doll's house on a table. MICHAEL has picked up the telescope.)
I’ll take my telescope, thank you.
SOME MINOR IMPROVEMENTS MAY NOT GO AMISS, BUT AT ALL TIMES YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS… JANE, MICHAEL: YOU’RE PRACTICALLY PERFECT IN EVERY WAY.
Spit-spot. Jane... doll's house please. (The CHILDREN put a doll's house on a table. MICHAEL has picked up the telescope.)
I’ll take my telescope, thank you.
MICHAEL:
It's not fair!
MARY POPPINS:
I didn't say I was fair. I said I was… JANE, MICHAEL: PRACTICALLY PERFECT …
Best foot forward. Spit-spot. (JANE, MICHAEL, and MARY POPPINS exit.)
Best foot forward. Spit-spot. (JANE, MICHAEL, and MARY POPPINS exit.)
