(Aloud to kitchen) Oh, God, it's gorgeous ... It looks like a Noel Coward play.
(She kicks off her shoes, takes off her jacket, throws it on chair but it misses and hits the floor. She starts to take off her skirt.) I feel alive again ... I feel glamorous . . . I feel like somebody on ‘Dynasty'.
(She crosses to the bathroom carrying the dress in the plastic bag from the cleaners that she brought in with her.)

(Comes in from the kitchen carrying a large green garbage bag.)
(Looks around at the mess OLIVE has left. She goes around and picks up the items, the briefcase, the skirt, blouse, shoes, and one by one, puts them in the garbage bag.)
(Then she twirls it into a knot, crosses to the hall closet, opens the door and throws the bag in along with five or six other filled garbage bags.)
(Then she crosses back into the kitchen.)

(Comes out of bedroom, zipping up her dress, brushing back her hair.)
(Crosses to the table against wall and gets out bobby pins and her shoes from one of the drawers.)

(Comes out holding a wooden ladle and glares at OLIVE.)
(Sits)

(Doing up her hair) Oh, you look beautiful. I love the big earrings. Very Espanol . . . What's the matter, Florence? . . . Something's wrong. I can tell by your conversation . . . Alright. Come on, What is it?

What is it? Let's start with what time do you think it is?

What time? I don't know. Seven-thirty? Eight?

Try eight-twenty!

Alright, so it's eight-twenty. So?

You said you'd be home by seven.

Is that what I said?

That's what you said. "I will be home at seven" is what you said.

Okay. I said I'd be home by seven and it's eight-twenty. So what's the problem? ...

If you knew you were going to be late, why didn't you call me?

I couldn't call you. I was busy.

Too busy to pick up a phone? Where were you?

I was running up and down Sixth Avenue looking for a pair of earrings.

I have dozens of earrings. I could have loaned you a pair!

I told you. I can't wear pierced earrings. My earlobes closed up.

I could have bitten them open. When Sidney was late, he always called me.

Late?? I'm not late I was the first one in the room . . . What difference does it make what time it is?

I'll tell you what difference. You told me they were coming at seven thirty. You were going to be here at seven to help me with the hors d'oeuvres. At seven-thirty they arrive and we have cocktails. At eight o'clock sharp we sit down and have dinner. It is now eight-twenty-one and I have a big beautiful bird that's ready to be served. If we don't eat in five minutes, it might as well fly the hell out of here.

(Looks up) Oh, God, help me!

Never mind helping you. Tell him to save my twelve pound capon.

Twelve pounds?? You cooked twelve pounds??? They'll fall asleep without us.

When I have company, I serve the best. And tonight I'm serving the best dried capon money can buy.

Can't you keep it moist for a while?

MOIST??? Don't you understand, it DRIES UP . . . Food can't be cooked forever. It turns into fossils.

Well, then slice it up now and we'll serve cold capon.

(Slightly crazed) Cold capon?? . . . COLD CAPON??? . . . For a sit-down dinner'? . . . You think I'm some kind of BARBARIAN? ...

It was just a suggestion.

Really? How about franks and beans? What about four Big Macs and some milkshakes? You think I went to Elizabeth Arden's today for a leg wax so I could serve COLD CAPON??

You asked my advice, I'm giving it to you.

(Waves ladle in her face) Why don't we have a bag of Halloween candy and let them grab what they want?

Alright, Florence, get ahold of yourself.

You think it's easy? Go on. Go out and shop and clean and make floral arrangements and stamp little Spanish designs on the butter patties. I'm slaving in a hot kitchen all day and you're in an air-conditioned office giving out baseball scores.

Baseball scores?? . . . I'm responsible for getting important news out to the public. Do you know there was a major revolution today in Baggi? A major revolution!

Where the hell is Baggi?

It's a new African country.

Since when?

Since Thursday.

No kidding? Well, I have a capon that's older than Baggi.

Who tells you to cook? We could have been at the Casa mi Casa watching Flamenco dancers instead of your lousy twirling ladle.

(The doorbell rings. They both freeze.)
Well, they're here. Our dinner guests. I'll get a chainsaw and cut the wings off.

STAY WHERE YOU ARE

I'm not taking the blame for this dinner.

Who's blaming you? Who even cares about the dinner? We're having a date tonight, not a bake-off.

I take pride in what I do. I'm known all over New York for my cooking. And you're going to explain to them exactly what happened.

I'll write a full confession on their dinner napkins. Now take off that Peter Pan apron because I'm opening the door.

Why don’t we send out to Arthur Treacher's for some fish sticks?

Are you through?

I am through.

Then smile.

Well, hello there. Or should I say, “Buenas Dias”?