We should weld these bumpers on, but that takes time and money. So
we use Super Super Glue instead. Go ahead. Put it on there.

Won't it fall off? Isn't that dangerous?

Not to me. Okay? Transmission! The sawdust lets the engine run sweet as a nut ... for a few miles.

Daddy, that's cheating.

Nobody ever got rich being honest. The numbers go back by hand. But the Feds like to test the ingenuity of American businessmen.
Two-directional drill. If you run it backwards, the numbers go down.

Cool! Daddy, you're a crook.

What?

This is illegal.

Here, keep drilling.

Do you make money?

Don't people need good cars?

Can't you sell good cars?

I'm smart, you're dumb. I'm right, you're wrong. There's nothing you can do about it. (Zinnia Enters)

Harry, I won! I hit the double bingo! I'm taking you all to Cafe Le Ritz tomorrow!

Let me see the money! Your hair looks awful! I hope they'll let you in. How much? (They move indoors to the sitting room)

That's for me to know. (Matilda picks up a book and starts reading)

You never take us out.

I took you to The Flipper.

There was a comb in the soup.

Oh, yeah! I like that joint.

Right now, we are eating dinner and watching TV. We’re watching Sticky Money! Shut the lights off. For those idiots who don't know how to play, here's how it goes. For each correct answer, you'll move one step closer to our cube of cash! Any money that sticks to your gooey body, you get to take home! (Harry stares at Matilda who is reading her book)

Hi Dad.

(Matilda continues reading) Are you in this family? Hello. Are you in this family? What is this trash you're reading?

It's lovely. It's "Moby Dick" by Herman Melville.

What?

It's a library book!

I'm fed up with all this reading! You're a Wormwood! Act like one! Sit up and look at the TV!

(The TV turns itself off when Matilda stares at it) I didn't do it.

Of course not, you little twit! (Banging the TV) I told you that was a cheap set.

It's not cheap, it's stolen. Put the light on! (Miss Honey rings the doorbell, HARRY answers it)

I'm Jennifer Honey. I'm Matilda's teacher.

What's she done now? You! Go to your room, right now! (MATILDA hides up the stairs so she can see through the banisters) She's your problem now.

There is no problem.

Then beat it. We're watching TV.

If a TV show is more important than Matilda, you shouldn't be a parent. Turn it off and listen to me please?!

Come on in. Get this over with. Mrs. Wormwood won't like this. - Close the door.

Who is it?

Some teacher. (ZINNIA turns the sound off on the TV) What did you do that for?

What do you want?

Matilda has a brilliant mind.

Yeah, right. Give me a beer.

Her math skills are extraordinary.

Do you want one?

No thank you. She's reading material that I didn't see until college.

College!

With private instruction, she'd be ready for college in a few years.

A girl does not get anywhere by acting intelligent. Look at you and me. You chose books. I chose looks. I have a nice house and a husband. You teach children their ABC's. You want Matilda to go to college? I didn't go to college. I don't know anybody who did. A bunch of hippies and cesspool salesmen.

Don't sneer at educated people. If you became ill, your doctor would be a college graduate. If you were sued, your lawyer would have gone to college, too.

Sued by who? Who have you been talking to?

Nobody. I can see we're not going to agree. Are we? I'm sorry I burst in on you like this.

We ought to sue her for interrupting our show.

Why's he standing in the middle?

Because it's over.

Thank you. (to MATILDA who is watching from the stairs) See you tomorrow.

Who won?

I don't know. You shut it off.