Cross-Purposes
Two-hander · Comedy
Cross-Purposes
Cross-Purposes · Simon Law
1 / 1
Cross-Purposes
Published by scriptsandsketches.com
Will and George meet after five years apart, reminiscing about old times and navigating unexpected revelations about relationships and life choices over drinks.
Duologue
Characters: GEORGE, WILL
Two young men, Will and George, mid-twenties, meet up after having been best mates at University and not having seen each other for 5 years. They reconnect in a wine bar to catch up on old times.
GEORGE:
(Seeing WILL walk in) Oh, my GOD, WILL! How are you? my GOD you look good! What did you have for breakfast?? How long has it been? How was Oz? You said on Facebook you were thinking of emigrating? When did that happen??
WILL:
Hey, buddy, calm down! Let’s get a drink and I’ll tell you everything, how’ve you been? What would you like? I see you’re on the Becks, would you like another?
GEORGE:
Of course, but I’ll get these, come and sit down, we’ve got so much to catch up on, what are you having?
WILL:
(Sheepishly) Um, … I’ll have a Rosé wine please.
GEORGE:
(Confused) Rosé wine? ‘Will the Barbarian’ wants a Rosé wine? Hahaha, come on you’re kidding me?
WILL:
No, George, really, that’s fine I’ll have a Rosé wine.
GEORGE:
(Trying not to be rude) Ok, ok, that’s fine, large?
WILL:
Small please, and I’ll have some still water with it.
GEORGE:
….. Rosé wine, and some still water, fine, ok, yes, (under his breath going to the bar) wow, this is going to be a fun night!!
WILL:
(Calling to GEORGE) Ooh! George, could you ask if they’ve got any vegetable crisps?
GEORGE:
Vegetable crisps, yes of course. (At the bar) A pint of Becks and a … Rosé wine, … small, and do you have any vegetable crisps? Great thanks. (Pays and takes drinks back to the table)
WILL:
Lovely thanks, so how are you George, what happened to you?? After graduation you just disappeared!
GEORGE:
Well, I worked for my father in his business, but that didn’t work out …
WILL:
But I thought your dad was an accountant?
GEORGE:
Yes, he is.
WILL:
Oh, what type, Certified or Chartered?
GEORGE:
Turf!
WILL:
Oh… well at least he must have been loaded?
GEORGE:
Bust or loaded, either one or the other, anyway what about you? Is Samantha still your girlfriend?
WILL:
No, she …
GEORGE:
(Launching in) Oh, thank god for that. You know when I went out with her briefly at uni., she was such a pain! She didn’t drink, didn’t eat red meat .. I mean boring doesn’t even get close, …
WILL:
George …
GEORGE:
(Taking no notice)… you know once we went out for a meal, I deliberately chose a vegetarian restaurant for her. She drank carrot juice and had a salad! Nothing else!! I mean my god live a little! (mimicking Samantha) ‘I can’t eat garlic, chilli doesn’t agree with me, and asparagus … well let’s not even go there!!! God she was a nightmare, anyway you’re well rid of that one, and her breath??!! Oohh, dear dear!!
WILL:
(Louder) George …
GEORGE:
I bet she’s put on loads of weight, has 5 kids and living with a nerd. Wow, that was a close escape, you know, I think she was up for tying the the knot with you, wasn’t she …..?
WILL:
(Louder) GEORGE …
GEORGE:
WHAT…?
WILL:
I’ve been trying to tell you … she did!
GEORGE:
Did what?
WILL:
Tied the knot .. we tied the knot .. She’s not my girlfriend anymore George….. she’s my wife.
GEORGE:
(Nervously) Hahahahaha! Gotcha!! Of course I know you two got hitched, just kidding about the bad breath and all the other stuff, of course I knew you were married, great girl, wonderful .. you couldn’t have done any better …
WILL:
(Matter of fact) Listen George, we’ve both changed. Well, you’ve stayed exactly the same actually, but I’ve changed. I’ve settled down. Maybe I am a ‘Nerd’, but I’m happy, and I am happy with Samantha and her vegetarianism and her funny quirks, in fact .. that’s what I find most attractive about her. She’s unusual! ..
GEORGE:
You can say that again!! (Giggles)
WILL:
See!! You just can’t help yourself can you. GROW UP!
GEORGE:
…. and drink Rosé? Hmmm … let me think about that one for a second …
WILL:
Look, we’ve both changed, … well at least … I have …
GEORGE:
Yes, you drink Rosé wine for god’s sake!!! And you married a veggy ... ‘Mr Barbarian!’
WILL:
Look, I know you two had a fling at Uni., and you never really got over it, and I know you still have feelings for her, even after all these years ..
GEORGE:
Don’t be ridiculous, I was over her years ago, I couldn’t stand the ….
WILL:
George, I’m you’re best mate I know how you felt, when you two broke up …
GEORGE:
Well. You married her, and good for you! (Samantha enters behind WILL. GEORGE sees her) … (reserved) and … that’s just great, you’ve done so well, it’s great to see you both so happy, well done, … um .. any children in the pipeline?
WILL:
Oh, god NO! I hate kids, I haven’t told her yet, .. she’s really up for it, big family, 5 kids …
GEORGE:
Will ….
WILL:
… at least, god, I have sleepless nights just thinking about it! Grandparents all that business. God that’s just not for me, …
GEORGE:
(Louder) WILL!
WILL:
… I mean I can put up with everything else, but Kids!! NEVER in a million years!! … and of course ….
GEORGE:
WILL!!!! … (Looks behind WILL) Oh Hi Samantha! (She’s heard everything)
WILL:
(Turning round slowly in his chair .. shocked and wondering how much she heard) Samantha!! Wow, darling, … great to see you. You remember George don’t you???
GEORGE:
(Staying sat down, not really meaning it) Hi Samantha, .. er .. congratulations ...
