(In his sleep) Oh … Hello, Uncle Robin. What? No no that’s, that’s my burrito, Uncle Robin, you get your own burrito. I bought that with my burrito money, Uncle Robin. No! No! No! Stop eating it! If you eat it that fast you’ll turn into a burrito. No … No! Uncle Robin? Uncle Burrito? You shouldn’t have eaten it so fast, Uncle Robin. You’ve turned into a Burrito...Now I’ve gotta eat you.

(Appears from the vent and begins to sing) Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
(sings) ...When the bough breaks, the cradle will FALL! (She slips and hurtles towards MITCH. She grabs the rope just in time and regains her balance.)
(sings) ...And down will come baby, cradle and all.

Keep going.

That’s the end of the song.

Do it again!

(sings) Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall, and down will come baby, cradle and all.

Now all I need –
(sings to the tune of ‘Rock-a-bye Baby’) Now all I need is to turn off the alarm. Sam, will you bring the code book to me?

(Appears from the vent.)
(Spoken, a little too loud) Why are you singing?

(Sings) Shh keep your voice down, try to relax, The guard is asleep, you’re such a pain in the…

(Sings .. interrupting) Here I come now, with the code book. (He struggles to climb down the rope and puts the code book in his mouth to free up his hand.)
(Sings, muffled by the book) … Slowly down the straining rope....uh oh!...(crosses legs around rope, takes book out of mouth and sign..) I think I’m going to sneeze! … Yes, the code book is dusty … I’m going to sneeze!! (He builds up for a BIG SNEEZE. CAPRICE and MITCH simultaneously from either side, shove their hands under the rope as if to catch the book if dropped. False alarm as SAM feels ok again. SAM continues down the rope with code book in mouth then STOPS! ..braces himself for another sneeze. SAM SNEEZES and drops the code book from his mouth. MITCH catches it just before it hits the floor which leaves him hanging upside down on the rope, his hands on the code book.)

(Sings) ...You are a moron! That was too close.

(Sings) Sorry, Mitch, it slipped out my … mouth.

(Sings) Why can’t you just do what you’re told?

(Sings) I’m trying my best.

(Sings) You’re so stu-–

(Sings...interrupting) Come on now, boys, let’s try not to fight.

(Sings) I’m sorry, Caprice, I’m just not good with heights. Oh my God! I’m starting to fall! (He suddenly slides down the rope. He lands hard on MITCH and CAPRICE at the bottom. ROGER stirs.)

(Sing) … And down will come baby, cradle and all. (ROGER turns over and goes back to sleep. They all look over to the control panel on the wall. They slowly start to swing back and forth building up enough momentum to get towards the control panel. They swing closer and closer. On the fourth try SAM finally manages to grab on to the panel. He clings on at full stretch hanging upside down. MITCH hands the code book to CAPRICE who struggles to read the instructions.)

Six, nine, nine, six.

(Confused) What?

(Realising) He’s upside down!

Ah! (Realises) Right!! NINE, SIX, SIX, NINE. (They realise SAM cannot read the panel upside down. They swing the right way up. SAM keys in the code and CUE SFX A big Click/Clap and the casing on the diamond descends.)

We did it!

(Whisper) Yaaay! (The rope suddenly slackens and they all fall to the floor. ROGER wakes up. SAM, CAPRICE and MITCH all quickly retreat into the darkness and hide behind the stage-left safety deposit boxes.)

(Waking up) When the wind – what? What was that? (We hear the telephone: SFX PHONE RINGS - Star Wars Theme).
(Clears throat...Answers Phone) Oh, hello! Don’t worry, everything’s in order down here, Uncle Burrito.....Oops I mean…Uncle Robin... Nothing.....Sleeping on the job? No, not me! Oh no, I was just, er … no......Please...Please don’t fire me! (They hang up on him. ROGER starts to sob) (MITCH, SAM & CAPRICE all mime mouthing ‘What are we going to do now?’ acting. MITCH suddenly gets up and walks up to ROGER, handing him a tissue from his pocket. CAPRICE and SAM quietly try to stop him but MITCH breaks free)

(Offers a Tissue) Here! Take this.

(Takes tissue without realising) Thanks! (...then, surprised, shocked and embarrassed) What the hell are you doing down here Boss?

(Flabbergasted and loudly to CAPRICE) Boss?

(Spots the others hiding) Hey! Wait a minute! Who the hell are you?

(Covering) The new staff.

(Thinking they are his replacement) That was quick!

(Quick thinking) Actually, we’ve come to see how it all works down here.

(Thinking ahead) Um...Yes, we wanted to see how you deal with a...um... bank robbery. Watch you do your job properly.

(On the same wavelength) Yes, so we wanted to see the only possible way a Bank Robber could steal the diamond.

(Catching on) Yes, and then we want to be able to walk out with the diamond, without being seen, and see how you deal with the robbery afterwards. (MITCH and CAPRICE look at each other ‘worriedly’...then. Nod in agreement.)

(In agreement to GUARD) Yes! That’s right!

(Accepting) Oh right!

(Convincingly) And there’s a promotion for you if we get the diamond out of the vault.

(Excitedly) Oh great! (Just checking) So Uncle Burrito...I mean Robin, Uncle Robin isn’t going to fire me then?

No, No, No, No...He’s just ..um...exercising his voice. Making it clear who’s top boss.

(Sings arpeggio) La la la laaaaahhh la la laaah!! (To CAPRICE and MITCH) Just exercising my voice!

(Stoney quick stare to SAM...Whispering) Idiot! (To GUARD) Um..Yes! Just like that...showing you who’s top boss.

Right! Alright then. (Referring to Diamond) Take it.

(Surprised) Really?

(Quickly to CAPRICE) You heard him....Take it! (CAPRICE walks over to the diamond casing and gingerly takes the diamond off its plinth. She holds it for a moment in a dreamlike state C.S.,... They make a DREAM TABLEAUX (On a Yacht sailing into paradise, drink in hand, “Ahoy I see land ahead” “A great spot for some sunbathing and miles from anybody.” “Jeeves please pass the Bollinger ‘25 would you!” ”Excellent choice, Ma’am!”) They FREEZE. Then SAM takes it out of CAPRICE’ hands, and in C. S. He instantly also dreams of what he could do with all that wealth. Another DREAM TABLEAUX (Driving a Formula One car around the circuit in a race. He wins against CAPRICE! He gets out of the car. Everybody knows him! GUARD says: “I’m your number one fan! Etc..” He signs autographs. They applaud and cheer him, patting him on the back. MITCH gives him a bottle. SAM shakes his bottle of Champagne and sprays everyone!) They FREEZE.) (In turn, MITCH takes the diamond from SAM’s hands. He dreams he is Lord of the Manor. The three have become his servants. He gets them to polish each shoe, polish his nails, he inspects in the mirror D. C. S. then asks for his jacket which the GUARD puts on him. “CAPRICE! Fetch me the diary!” He looks in it to check and says “Tell the King I am not available on the Friday, I’m busy” They all reply, simultaneously; “Yes, of course your Lordship!” They FREEZE.) (MITCH puts the diamond straight into his pocket.)
Good, now we need to make our exit. (TO GUARD) Can you open the vault door please?

Sure! (Goes to unlock door, then STOPS) Wait a minute! (For a brief horrible moment, he thinks he has lost his key to get out of the vault.....he searches) Now where did I put those keys? (Remembering... in his shoe!) Ah! Yes!! In my shoe! (He scrambles to get the key set and find the right key. The others look astounded that he managed to get a huge set of keys in his shoe. Now the painful process of finding the right key)

(Becoming impatient) Today would be nice!

Sorry Boss. (The GUARD opens the vault door. They walk through it one by one saying ‘Thank you!’ as the GUARD says ‘You’re Welcome!’ not quite believing their luck. The GUARD calls after them....)
I’ll just wait here then. (He locks the vault door behind them, sits in a chair and falls asleep....snoring) THE END